Exactly Like You: A Cupid Cafe Story Page 7

  He finished his climb then sat down with her on the ledge at the top. “You did it. You may be the most stubborn person I know.”

  “And awkward, don’t forget that. Now you know why I don’t want to jump out of a plane. I’d probably trip on my way to put on my parachute and be a goner.”

  He grinned. He loved the way she could make him laugh. She was so outspoken, self-deprecating, and a little bit wrong. It was a perfect combination.

  “Let’s get down, go clean up, and then I’ll take you to lunch. We’ll have to run by my apartment for my wallet, though. I forgot it this morning.” He eyed her. “Unless you want to try to climb it again.”

  “Probably never again, thank you. But, I sort of had fun. It’s been a long time since I challenged myself. Thanks.”

  “Anytime.” They looked into one another’s eyes for a long moment, and the temperature in the room took a sharp rise.

  She glanced away first, clearing her throat. “So, can I jump down or do I actually have to climb back down?”

  “Climb down. You’ll never learn if you jump.”

  She sighed and twisted back onto the wall. “Fine.”

  He sat at the top for a second, not paying much attention to his surroundings. He’d been about to kiss her again. He couldn’t remember the last time a woman had held that kind of pull for him, that he couldn’t get it out of his head.

  She cursed and he looked down to find her sprawled on the ground at the bottom. He scurried down and stooped to help her up.

  “I’m fine, damn it.” She gazed up. “Stupid wall.”

  “Let’s get you out of that harness.” He began to unbuckle it and she stepped back.

  “I think I can handle it.”

  Did his touch drive her as crazy as touching her drove him? He wished he knew, but maybe it was better if he didn’t. Maybe it was just one of those things that, if they didn’t talk about it, it would go away.

  *

  Roxie unhooked the harness and let it fall to the ground. She’d had a good time, but his touch had made her super aware of him, and that made her grumpier than the forty-odd times she fell to the ground. The wanting was overwhelming. She was all tingly and achy, and… unsatisfied.

  “So can you point me in the direction of the women’s facilities?”

  “I’ll show you. Come on.” He put his hand at the small of her back and led her to the door. Why did he have to keep touching her? She’d almost leaned in to kiss him at the top of the wall. That would have made a fool of her and probably made him too uncomfortable to take her anywhere else, much less camping for a weekend.

  They hit the showers—alone, thankfully. Roxie blew dry her hair and the curls were so overwhelming, she pulled it into a ponytail.

  She hadn’t even bothered with makeup in months and months, but she had some in the old gym bag she had grabbed and decided to put on just a little lip gloss and mascara. It was the damn desire—making her want to feel pretty. Not like Aidan would notice.

  Together, they rode his motorcycle first to Aidan’s apartment, where she waited while he went in to grab his forgotten wallet, and then to a restaurant across town. Roxie didn’t mind; she loved riding the machine under any circumstances. That she was a little sore, and would be sorer still the next day, didn’t take anything away from it.

  Inside a small diner, they were seated at a booth and looked through the small menu. “I’m starving. Climbing walls makes you hungry. I haven’t really had much of an appetite for a while, but I could seriously eat a whole cow at this point.”

  Aidan gave her a grin. “I’m glad it made you ravenous.”

  Once Roxie decided to have a burger, her best attempt at eating a whole cow for the day, she put down her menu. “Tell me about your decision to become a firefighter. I really want to know. I think it’s amazing how you came from such a dark place, losing your wife, to something that made you so… whole again.”

  “That’s a deep conversation for lunch.”

  “It’s better than small talk. I’m awful at small talk. ‘How are you, darling?’ ‘Oh, I’m tremendous, how are you?’ Dull, dull, dull.”

  “Fair enough.”

  The waitress approached and took out her pad. She just stood there waiting, didn’t even ask them what they wanted. Aidan placed his order then raised his eyebrow at Roxie. They’d apparently happened upon the rudest waitress ever. Roxie ordered her burger and was surprised to find she honestly looked forward to eating it.

  Rude waitress jotted it all down on her pad then turned and left.

  Aidan met her gaze again. “You wanted to hear about how I ended up fighting fires. So, I was pretty lost when Miley finally died. My whole life had become taking care of her, and I didn’t even know how to not be that person. Much less how to be not married, to not be someone’s husband. I thought we’d grow old together.”

  “I’m so sorry. I can’t even imagine how hard that was.” The events that had knocked her on her ass paled in comparison.

  “Not as hard as losing her, watching her slip away a little every day until she just wanted it to be over, but being without her was close.”

  She reached across the table to grasp his hand and give it a squeeze. “I’m an idiot. We don’t have to talk about this.”

  “No, it’s fine. Thanks to Dr. K., the psychologist you referred me to, I’ve really made my way through it all. It’s a terrible thing that happened, but my life isn’t over. I guess when I finally realized that, I knew I had to change everything up. I couldn’t keep living in our house, working at my old job, going through the motions of having a life. It’s too short, and I needed to grab it and take what I wanted from it.”

  “I don’t even know where you got the strength. I’m still floundering and what I’ve been through is nothing compared to your loss.”

  “There’s this old saying that I think of when people tell me that—your shit is your shit. My worst-thing-that-ever-happened is the worst thing that ever happened to me. Yours is the worst that ever happened to you. It’s not something you can take a measuring stick to and say, ‘Oh, this is worse than that.’ It’s just… the worst thing that ever happened to you.” He peered at her across the table. “I can tell you’re trying to make your way through your worst thing. I want to be here for you.”

  “Why, though? You don’t owe me anything.”

  “I could argue that, but it’s not even that so much. Not anymore. I can identify with your wounds.” He grimaced. “I sound like a douche.”

  “You sound like a good man.” A sneaking suspicion crept over her of two things. One, he might be one of the best men she’d ever known. Two, her crush was increasing every time he opened that incredible mouth of his. How could he be so perfect?

  Their burgers came and Roxie doused hers in ketchup and dug in.

  Aidan watched her for a moment, a small smile on his face. “Speaking of good men, tell me about the loser who left when shit went down.”

  “Oh, him.” She swallowed, dipped a fry in ketchup and nearly swallowed it whole. Everything tasted so much more vivid than it had in so long. “We won’t even say his name, because he’s not worth naming. He’s just ‘that one guy,’ at least in my head. He really didn’t even break my heart. I was too numb for that.” She looked down at her plate, seeing more of the past than anything in the restaurant. “My ‘worst thing’… it was like it dumped me in an ice bath. I move through water, everything taking longer and more energy than I have. Even giving a damn that he left was more energy than I had. It was another casualty, one I didn’t mourn all that much.”

  “I wish I had the wisdom to say the right words. I don’t.”

  “You don’t have to say anything. You’ve made a safe place where I can at least talk a little about it. I can reference it, anyway. That’s huge—I don’t discuss it with anyone. No one ever wants to talk about ‘the worst thing.’ Have you noticed that?”

  “Oh, hell no, they don’t. That would make them uncomfortable t
hat we didn’t automatically have our shit together.”

  “Right.” She lifted her sweet tea. “To you, for getting your shit together, even if it wasn’t automatic.”

  “I’ve got a few years on you, that’s all. You’re going to get through this. I saw you today, going back over and over to that wall. It may not seem like you’re making any headway, but you’re not a quitter. You will get through this.”

  She let her eyes drift closed and thought about what life would look like on the other side of everything. She couldn’t imagine it. “I hope you’re right.”

  It had been a little over a week since Aidan had taken Roxie rock-wall climbing. He’d spoken to her on the phone a couple of times, just to check in, but work had kept him pretty tied up. He’d traded shifts with a couple of guys so he could get the four-day stretch off for camping.

  Maybe he’d been avoiding her a little, too. The conversation at lunch the other day had been pretty intense. It was altogether too easy to slip into intimacy, to share the worst events of his life with her.

  He still wondered what had happened to her, what her worst thing was, but refused to push her to tell him.

  Down in the garage, he gathered up his camping supplies. Everything they would need was stored there—tent, sleeping bags in case it got cool at night, cookware. He really hoped he could give Roxie a good time. She deserved a few more smiles, and he’d love to hear her sexy laughter.

  Shaking his head, he rolled up the garage door. He had to stop thinking of her that way. It was a dead-end street. He wouldn’t have an affair with her. If anyone knew how emotionally fragile she was, he did after she’d shared that her boyfriend left her because her depression was too high maintenance. And, he didn’t do relationships anymore. He never wanted to have his life collapse like that again.

  It took a few minutes for his eyes to adjust to the darkness in the garage. The sunlight through the bay door and the windows was the only light in the garage. After some searching, he located the tent. He hadn’t been camping in… a while. Like before Miley got really sick, maybe.

  She’d loved to camp, to get out into nature and just be. They’d had some of their best times together while camping. It seemed a little odd to be taking another woman, but this wasn’t just a random woman—this was Roxie. They were friends, damn it. Maybe there was an attraction there, some kind of electric charge between them, but he could shut that down. They could be friends, and be good for each other.

  Aidan pulled the sleeping bags down and fingered the red one. It had been Miley’s. She’d picked it out herself, an upgrade from one of his hand-me-downs. Okay, he couldn’t do this. He put it back on the shelf. He’d just stop by the camping store and pick out a new one, just to have a spare. He couldn’t let Roxie use Miley’s sleeping bag. It would be like… replacing her. A new camping buddy to take Miley’s place, and that’s not what any of this was.

  Damn it, he felt sorry for Roxie. He wasn’t taking her because they were in a relationship or anything. Why should he feel so bad about this?

  He yanked down the bin that held cookware—pots and pans, tin coffee percolator, utensils—and tossed it into the back of his truck a little too hard. Was it wrong that the only reason he knew Roxie was because Miley had died? Was it wrong that he was glad he knew her?

  Unable to make any sense of the guilt swamping him, it hit him hard. The responsibility was his—he felt for Roxie. Not just sympathy or pity…but something more. Roxie made him want again.

  Damn, what had he been thinking, offering to take her camping? It was a big, emotional landmine, and he’d never even given it a second thought. So, how did he get through the next four days without doing something they’d both regret?

  Chapter Seven

  Aidan arrived to fetch Roxie in his pretty black truck to take her camping before the sun rose. He’d given her a list of things to bring with her. Some comfortable, loose clothing, layers in case it got cool at night because of the lake. Toiletries, shoes for hiking.

  Roxie had to go purchase shoes for hiking because all she’d had were some worn-out canvas tennis shoes.

  Everything went into a backpack, somehow, and then she’d bought a second backpack for carrying water and such when they actually went hiking. A thing which she had never done. On purpose.

  She’d been sore for days after the rock-wall climbing, and Aidan hadn’t had much sympathy for her. He’d encouraged her to go walking every day to “build up” her endurance. She’d failed at that goal. Not all that surprising, as she failed at most goals nowadays. Still, she’d managed to walk every other day or so, and she called that a win.

  Since her parents were still asleep, she carried both her backpacks onto the front porch as quietly as she could and locked the door behind her. Unsure if it was a good idea or not, Roxie had no choice but to go. Her mom was so flipping excited she was getting out of the house and going away somewhere, Roxie couldn’t not go.

  If she’d kept her big mouth shut, her mom wouldn’t have known about it, and she could’ve backed out gracefully. But, then, Meredith had been so worried about Roxie, telling her she was going away had been like a precious gift she could give to her mother. “See, I’m fine,” she’d told her.

  Meredith had hugged her tight. “I think, for the first time in ages, you’re going to be fine at some point, and that makes me happy.”

  Now, she had her mom excited on her behalf because she was doing something she wasn’t at all excited to do. Worse, Aidan didn’t seem too thrilled about it when she’d called him yesterday. He was cranky when she called to ask him if she should pack a swimsuit.

  “They allow boats full-access to the lake, so there’s no swimming. Definitely don’t bring a swimsuit.”

  Like the idea of her in a swimsuit offended him somehow or something.

  Aidan made his way up to the porch and eyed her things. “How exactly do you plan to carry two backpacks?”

  “You said pack layers. One is for my camping stuff, and one is for my hiking stuff. I didn’t see any other way to do it.”

  He picked up the hiking backpack and gave her a look because it weighed a ton. She’d practically had to drag it outside.

  “I brought plenty of water and snacks. I get hangry.”

  He shook his head, a scowl plain even in the early morning half-light. “I’ll carry this to the tent, but you’re lugging it around the lake when we hike.”

  “Fair enough. Thanks for being thoughtful without complaining. Sort of.”

  “Cute. Let’s go.”

  They put the backpacks in the back of the truck, which was filled up with a tent, sleeping bags, and a couple of Rubbermaid bins. “And you’re worried about how much I brought? How long are we staying—a month?”

  “It takes a lot of supplies to go camping. Don’t take everything and you’re eating bags of Doritos from the campground store for dinner three nights in a row.”

  Since she’d brought Doritos in her hiking backpack for a snack, she gave him a weak smile. “And that would be bad?”

  “Let’s just say I can do a little better than that.”

  “Sounds interesting.” They drove the forty-minute trip to Taylorsville Lake State Park in silence. The sun began to peek over the horizon as they pulled into the campground. Roxie had never been much of an outdoors type of person, but this view. She could just make out mist, nearly dissipated, as it blanketed the marine blue lake. Dotted throughout the water, covered in trees bursting with green leaves, were small islands.

  Aidan checked them in, because of course he’d had the foresight to book them what the clerk called a “primitive” site. That didn’t sound in any way appealing.

  As they walked back out to the truck, Roxie cleared her throat. “What does ‘primitive’ mean? Couldn’t we upgrade to like cave-dwelling?”

  “It means we’re using a tent, not an RV. We’ll be fine, Rox. Sit back and enjoy yourself.”

  That seemed unlikely. Besides her burning crush on Aid
an, she didn’t do primitive. She liked all the conveniences of home. She wasn’t sure what they would do with themselves for the next four days and didn’t want to think about what she’d like to do.

  They drove to the camp and Aidan began to set up the tent. Roxie sat on the back of truck bed and broke into her snack stash. She was popping M&Ms into her mouth when he stood up and put his hands at the small of his back, like it was hurting. “I could use a little help here.”

  “Oh, sure. I’m sort of useless outside, but I’ll do my best.” She hopped down and headed over to where he stood.

  He went back to the truck, pulled out a Ziploc gallon bag and put the M&Ms inside. “You have to store every bit of food or you’ll attract wildlife.”

  “What, do they have super-noses? They’re going to sneak up on us while we put up the tent?”

  “Trust me—get into the habit of always doing it and you won’t forget and wake up to a raccoon in your sleeping bag with you.”

  After a frustrating hour, they got the tent put up. Roxie stepped back to take it in. “It’s a little…small. Are you sure that’s a two-person tent?”

  “I’m sure. They only give you enough room to sleep. It’s not for hanging out and ignoring the nature you drove all this way to see.”

  “I get it, I get it. We’re going to be outdoors.” She unzipped her M&Ms, offered him one, then continued to eat them when he shook his head. “So what do we do next?”

  “We eat. I’m going to the campground store to buy some firewood.”

  “You didn’t bring that, too?”

  He scowled at her and shook his head. “It’s illegal to bring it with you. This really is your first time camping at a state park, huh?”

  “It’s my first time camping, period. So, what do I do while you run to the store?”

  “I’d tell you to unpack, but you’re a total newb, so I’ll do it when I get back. Just… sit there and watch the wild animals.”

  She found an old, weathered tree stump log and plopped down. “Wild animals like squirrels and birds, right? No bears?”